I’ve managed to get a coffee scheduled with a PM at a company I care about. This is a win—I didn’t think she’d actually agree to it. But now I’m overthinking what this conversation is actually supposed to be.
I know I’m not supposed to ask for a job. I know I’m supposed to ask good questions and show genuine interest. But where’s the line between “asking good questions” and “wasting this person’s time because I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about”?
Like, I have surface-level understanding of what they do as a company. I know they make software for X industry. But I don’t have deep insights. Should I go in like “I want to learn from you, please teach me about product?” or should I have more formed thoughts? What do actually strong coffee chats with PMs look like? What makes someone want to help you after that conversation instead of just being polite and never calling back?
The strongest informational interviews balance curiosity with intelligent assumptions. Prepare three to four specific questions about their decision-making process—not generic “how did you break in” questions, but questions grounded in their actual product decisions. For example, “I noticed your platform added X feature recently—how did you decide to prioritize that over Y?” This demonstrates preparation and gives them something substantive to discuss. They don’t expect you to be an expert; they expect you to be genuinely interested. Share your thinking about decisions you’ve made in your own work, even if it’s not product-related. People help people who think seriously about problems. End with something genuine—ask what you should focus on learning next, or whether there’s anyone else who’d be useful to talk to. This keeps the door open without being presumptuous.
don’t go in acting like a student asking a teacher for a lesson. have actual thoughts about their product, ask two or three real questions about decisions they made, and actually listen to their answers. most pms will talk if you’re a good listener and you’re asking real stuff. the ones who help after are the ones who felt like it was a conversation, not an interrogation. so like, ask a question, listen to the answer, actually respond to what they said. it sounds basic but most people mess this up.
ask them abt like specific stuff u noticed in their product?? and actually listen to what they say!! thats kinda it lol everyone appreciates a good listener
You’ll do great! Just be curious and genuine. People love talking about their work when someone actually cares. Show up authentically and you’ve already won!
My first PM coffee chat, I was so nervous I basically rehearsed questions. But when we sat down, I just asked her about a decision I’d noticed—why they’d sunset a feature that seemed useful. She talked for like 20 minutes about user feedback, business considerations, all of it. I barely asked anything else. But after it ended, she texted me an introduction to another PM. I think what mattered was that I asked about something real and actually cared about the answer instead of just checking a box.
Research on effective informational interviews indicates three key factors correlate with follow-up introductions: demonstrating preparation through specific product questions, exhibiting thoughtful listening patterns, and sharing authentic career considerations. Most PMs perceive genuine curiosity immediately and are more likely to invest time in people who think systematically. Preparedness on basic company information is expected; deeper expertise is not. Studies show conversations featuring reciprocal sharing—where you discuss your own frameworks or experiences—yield 60% higher likelihood of continued mentorship than one-way questioning approaches.