i’ve done maybe a dozen coffee chats over the past few months, and honestly, i can’t tell if any of them are actually leading somewhere or if i’m just collecting business cards and empty promises. some conversations feel great in the moment—the person’s engaged, asking me questions, seeming interested—but then nothing happens. no follow-up, no intro to anyone, no internship offer. and other times, a chat feels kind of awkward or short, but the person circles back with an opportunity weeks later. so how do you actually gauge where things stand? are there signals i should be picking up on that mean someone’s genuinely willing to advocate for me versus just being polite? what should i actually be tracking or asking about to know if the conversation is converting into something real?
if they dont give you a specific next step in the coffee chat itself, youre probably not getting one. look for them offering an introduction, a timeline for feedback, or a concrete recommendation. if the chat ends with ‘keep in touch,’ thats code for ‘youre nice but im not doing anything for you.’
heres what actually matters: did they ask you about your actual experience and what roles youd want, or did they just talk about themselves the whole time? first one means theyre thinking about where you fit. second one means theyre just being nice. easy tell honestly.
omg i worry about this SO much!! like sometimes they say theyll introduce me to someone and i never know if i should follow up or just wait?? how long do u usually wait before checking in??
this is so helpful to think about!! ive been treating every chat like its going somewhere but maybe im reading it wrong. thanks for framing it this way
The clearest signal is whether they make a specific commitment with a timeline. Not ‘let’s stay in touch,’ but ‘I’m going to introduce you to my colleague in M&A next week’ or ‘our team is hiring summer analysts, and I think you should talk to our recruiting coordinator.’ If they’re vague about next steps, it’s unlikely to convert. I also pay attention to whether they ask questions about your actual background and interests—someone genuinely considering you will probe deeper. They’ll ask about why that specific bank, what deals interest you, what your timeline is. Generic enthusiasm is easy; specific follow-through is rare.
Track three things after each conversation: Did they commit to a specific next step with a date? Did they ask substantive questions about your goals? Did they mention anyone by name they’d introduce you to? If you get two out of three, that’s a solid signal. If you get zero or one, treat it as a networking touch but not a conversion point. You’ll see a pattern emerge pretty quickly—some people are genuine connectors, others are just nice to strangers who ask them to coffee.
Every conversation is planting seeds, even if you don’t see the result immediately! Trust the process and keep building those relationships.
The fact that you’re being thoughtful about this shows you’re doing it right. Your momentum will come!
i had one coffee chat where the person seemed kind of rushed, asked me like three quick questions, and then said ‘well, good luck.’ i figured that was a dead end. but three weeks later, they emailed asking if i was still interested in banking and if i wanted an intro to their VP. turns out they were just busy that day but actually had been thinking about me.
Research on informational interview conversion suggests three predictive factors: whether a specific action item is mentioned (increases conversion probability by roughly 40%), whether the interviewer asks questions about your goals (indicates genuine interest), and whether an introduction or referral is offered by the end of the conversation. Studies also show time delays—roughly 60% of actual opportunities materialize 2-4 weeks post-conversation, not immediately. Tracking these metrics systematically across your conversations reveals which types of bankers convert into advocates.
The distinction between polite and genuine engagement typically emerges in follow-up patterns. If a banker sends a follow-up email within five days with specific next steps, that’s a strong signal. If you reach out again with no response, conversion is unlikely. Data from career outcome studies suggests that conversations resulting in named introductions to specific people (not generic advice) correlate strongly with eventual opportunities. Track whether they name actual colleagues versus speaking only in generalities.