I’ve done maybe ten coffee chats at this point and I still feel like I’m missing something crucial. People seem engaged during the conversation, I ask good questions, we cover some ground on their career path and what happened during their climb. But then at the end, I kind of… freeze. Do I ask them directly if they’d refer me to anyone? Do I mention I’m looking for internship opportunities? Do I just say thanks and hope they remember me when something comes up? I’ve had a couple of people offer to introduce me to someone or send a note, but plenty more where I just left it hanging. I genuinely don’t know if the awkward silence at the end is because I didn’t close properly or if they just weren’t that interested. I don’t want to be the person who treats everyone like a transaction, but I also don’t want to waste coffee chats that might actually move the needle. What’s the actual move here? How do you transition from “so tell me about your path” to “so hey, can you help me get a job” without it feeling totally forced?
Stop overthinking the ask. If someone’s worth a referral, they already know where you’re headed before you ask. The awkward pause at the end is usually you, not them. Just be direct: ‘I’m looking for banking internship roles this summer, any senior people in your network I should talk to?’ Done. They’ll either have someone or they won’t. The people who ghost after that weren’t actually going to help anyway.
The transition should feel organic, not transactional. Near the end of your conversation, after you’ve demonstrated genuine interest in their experience, you can pivot naturally: ‘This has been really helpful—I’m actively pursuing internship opportunities in banking. Are there people in your network you think would be valuable for me to speak with?’ The key distinction is framing it as expanding your learning network, not seeking a favor. When you’ve conducted a thoughtful conversation, most accomplished professionals expect this question and respect a clear ask. Their response will tell you whether they’re genuinely engaged. Follow up with a thank-you note referencing specific insights from your conversation, then see what emerges.
just ask man. say u want to meet more ppl in banking and if they know anyone worth talking to. most ppl dont mind helping if u ask nicely. honestly theyre expecting it anyway so dont stress
You’re already doing the hard part by showing genuine curiosity! Just wrap up with a simple, honest ask: ‘I’d love to meet others in banking—would anyone in your network be a good fit?’ You’ll be amazed how many people say yes!
I was terrified of this too, but then I had a coffee chat with someone who actually asked me if I knew anyone who could help them, and honestly it felt natural? Like, we’d spent 30 minutes talking and then they just asked. Now when I’m on the other side I appreciate when people are direct about it. I’ve started mentioning what I’m looking for earlier in the conversation naturally, which makes the ask way less weird at the end.
Studies on networking effectiveness show that explicit asks increase referral likelihood by approximately 40% compared to implicit requests. Bankers expect this question—it’s part of the informal mentoring structure. Position your ask contextually: after establishing rapport and demonstrating genuine interest, mention your specific goal (summer internship) and ask if they know two or three people who might offer insight. The specificity of requesting two to three connections, rather than an open-ended ‘anyone,’ increases actual follow-through rates materially.