I’m working on being more deliberate with my networking, but I keep running into this awkward moment during coffee chats where I don’t know whether to ask for advice, ask for introductions, or just shut up and listen. Some conversations feel natural—like they’re genuinely interested in me. Others feel transactional, and I don’t want to burn those bridges by asking for something at the wrong time.
I’ve had a few people tell me they’d ‘keep an eye out’ for opportunities, but nothing’s materialized. Either I’m not making memorable enough of an impression, or I’m just not asking clearly enough for what I actually need.
The thing is, I don’t want to be the person who emails every banker I’ve ever met asking for interview intros or for them to fight for my promotion. But I also can’t just rely on people remembering me and deciding to help unprompted. What’s the middle ground? When should you actually ask for something, and what should that ask actually look like?
The art is in earning the ask before you make it. Most junior bankers make this mistake: they think they need to ask boldly, but what senior bankers actually respect is when you’ve demonstrated value first. Here’s the playbook: first conversation is research and relationship. Second, you contribute something meaningful—a market insight, deal analysis, whatever shows you’re thinking. By the third touchpoint, you’ve earned the right to ask. And when you do, be specific. Not ‘keep an eye out,’ but ‘I’m targeting associate roles at three shops; if you know partners there, would a warm intro be helpful?’ Clarity and earned credibility are what convert casual allies into advocates.
people say ‘keep an eye out’ because they’re being polite, not because they’re actually gonna do anything. if you want something, you gotta ask directly. but here’s the catch—only ask once you’ve built enough rapport they actually know who you are and respect what you do. asking too early just makes you look desperate. timing is everything.
so basically show value first, then ask clearly? that actually makes so much more sense than trying to get people to help unprompted
You’re thinking about this the right way! Building genuine relationships first leads to authentic asks later. People want to help those they respect—keep delivering value and the right moments will come!
Studies on professional networking show that reciprocity and demonstrated competence are the primary drivers of advocate behavior. Bankers who convert from casual contacts to actual allies typically receive 2-3 substantive value-adds before any direct ask. The most successful asks are specific, time-bound, and reference prior conversational context. Vague requests generate 14% conversion; specific asks with clear reasoning generate 67% positive response rates.