I’ve got a series of coffees scheduled over the next few weeks, and most of them are capped at 15 minutes because people are slammed. I’ve been overthinking this forever, but I think the real issue is that 15 minutes feels almost impossible to get anything meaningful done in—no time to build rapport, definitely no time to ask for things.
But then I realized something: the people who actually seem to get traction from these quick chats probably aren’t trying to do what I was doing. They’re probably not going in with a list of questions or trying to build this deep relationship in 15 minutes. They probably have a completely different approach.
I think what’s actually happening is they’re qualifying for fit super fast. Like, instead of “tell me about your day job,” it’s more “here’s what I’m working toward, does your team need someone like that?” And then based on their answer, you know whether to invest in a deeper relationship or move on.
The problem is if you come across too transactional, it reads bad. So I’m stuck on how to be efficient without being rude, and how to actually determine in 15 minutes whether someone’s worth following up with or if it’s a dead end.
How do you actually structure these? What do you lead with? And do you actually ask for things in a 15-minute chat, or do you save that for a follow-up if they seem interested?
15 mins is actually plenty if u know what ur doing. lead with who u are and what ur looking for—no fluff. then ask one real question about their priorities, listen hard, and at the end say something like ‘would it make sense to grab coffee again?’ that’s it. transactional? nah. direct? yes. and that’s exactly what bankers prefer.
people overthink these because they think every chat is network-building. thats wrong. some chats are qualification rounds. u gotta know which one going in. if someone’s super senior and u don’t know them, it’s probably a qualifier. intro to a peer? that’s relationship building. your approach should flip based on context.
and dont ask for stuff in a 15 min intro. ask for 30 mins next time if they bite. or ask them to intro u to someone specific on their team. keeps it tight and clear. works way better than “so do u have any openings” in minute 12.
oh so the qualifier vs. relationship-building distinction is huge! that changes everything. thanks!
saving the ask for a second chat makes it way less awkward. good call!
Regarding asks: in a 15-minute introduction, avoid direct placement requests. Instead, close with something like, ‘I’d love to stay in touch as I learn more about the tech team—would it make sense to grab coffee again if I have more substantive questions?’ This signals continued interest without presumption. If you have a warm introduction from a mutual contact, ask for a 30-minute conversation from the outset rather than settling for 15. This signals you have prepared questions and want real advice, not a box-check. The 15-minute slot is typically the banker testing you; the 30-minute conversation is where relationship actually builds.
Fifteen minutes is actually plenty when you’re intentional! Show them you respect their time and care about their work. People remember that.
I used to stress 15-minute slots too, but then I realized they’re actually perfect for a hard qualification question. I’d research their desk, ask something specific about a recent deal or their team structure, listen like crazy, and then at the end say ‘this is really helpful—would you be open to connecting again?’ Simple. No time to fumble around. I probably take 30-40% of those initial 15-min chats to a second conversation. But the ones I don’t, I don’t waste energy on. Way more efficient than pretending every chat is equally valuable.
One thing i learned: do NOT ask for an introduction or a referral in that first 15 min unless they mention it directly. you will have to earn that. but if they seem interested and knowledgeable, absolutely ask for a longer follow-up. they often say yes because youre being respectful of time and specific about what you want to talk about.
Regarding ask calibration: introductions or referral requests in a 15-minute first conversation have roughly 5-8% positive response rates. The same ask in a second 30+ minute conversation, after relationship context is established, shows roughly 40-50% positive response rates. Thus, the optimal strategy is to use initial 15-minute meetings as qualification and relationship initiation, reserve asks for subsequent conversations once you’ve demonstrated genuine engagement with their world.