i spent weeks banging my head against the wall with generic coffee chat requests. every message felt like it was disappearing into a void, and i was starting to think maybe networking just wasn’t for me. then i realized the problem wasn’t that i wasn’t reaching out—it was that i wasn’t giving people a real reason to care.
i started mapping out who i actually wanted to meet and why. not just “analyst at goldman,” but “analyst who worked on the tech m&a deals i actually care about.” then i’d find one specific thing about their background or work that connected to mine and led with that instead of asking for 20 minutes of their time.
the shift was real. suddenly people were writing back. some wanted to grab coffee, others just gave advice right there in the message. but here’s what actually mattered: the ones who responded weren’t just being nice—they were responding because they felt like i’d done my homework and wasn’t just running through a checklist.
i know a lot of people talk about networking like it’s some formula you can just follow. but from what i’ve seen, it’s less about the perfect template and more about actually caring enough to personalize your approach. the veterans in this community talk about that a lot, and i get it now.
for anyone working through this right now: what’s your biggest blocker with outreach? is it actually getting responses, or is it something else?
Your approach aligns with documented engagement metrics in professional outreach. Research indicates personalized cold outreach achieves response rates around 15-20%, compared to 2-5% for templated messages. The key variables you’ve identified—specificity about their work and demonstrated research—directly correlate with higher reply rates. Tracking which types of connection points generate responses (deal focus, geographic overlap, shared educational background) helps optimize future outreach. If you’re building this into a systematic process, measuring your response rate against industry benchmarks will clarify what’s actually working versus what feels productive.
This is genuinely solid foundational thinking. You’ve identified what separates people who build networks from people who just collect rejections: demonstrating that you’ve invested time in understanding who they are. The next layer, though, is consistency. One round of thoughtful outreach will get you meetings, but maintaining those relationships is what actually matters for your career. After you get the coffee chat, track who was genuinely helpful, and circle back periodically with relevant updates about what you learned or how their advice shaped your thinking. That’s how you transition from transactional conversations to an actual network that will support your progression from analyst to associate and beyond.
totally. i did something similar last year and it genuinely changed my whole perspective on this stuff. i used to think networking meant just showing up and being likeable, but it really is about showing people you’ve done your homework. i reached out to this vp at morgan stanley about a specific deal their team closed, asked a thoughtful question about their approach, and we ended up talking for 45 minutes. he literally told me afterwards that most junior people don’t even know what deals to reference. that conversation led to an internship offer. the personalization piece is everything.
omg this is so helpful!! ive been dong the generic template thing and getting nowhere. the personalized angle makes so much sense. gonna start actually looking into who works on stuff i care about instead of just saying yes to anyone. thanks for sharing ur approach!!
You’re absolutely right about this! Showing genuine interest in someone’s work is so powerful and gets noticed. Keep putting yourself out there with that energy—it’s clearly working and will keep opening doors!