I’ve been doing informational interviews for a while now, and I keep hitting the same wall. People are friendly during the chat, they seem interested, but when I ask for a referral or introduction, it either goes nowhere or they ghost.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m asking at the wrong time, in the wrong way, or if these people just weren’t serious about helping in the first place. I’ve tried following up, but I don’t want to be the person who becomes annoying. There’s got to be a sweet spot between staying visible and being pushy, right?
Some people here talk about having warm introductions and actual referrals, and I want to understand how they’re doing it. Are they asking differently? Building the relationship longer? Being more specific about what they want? I feel like I’m missing something fundamental about how this process actually works. What’s the difference between someone who gets referrals and someone who stays stuck in coffee chat purgatory?
most people just don’t care enough to refer you. harsh but true. a referral is putting your reputation on the line. so unless you’ve actually impressed them or you’ve built real rapport, they’re not gonna stick their neck out. the trick is making it easy for them and giving them a reason. don’t ask for a referral; instead give them something specific to pass along.
also stop calling them ‘informational interviews.’ those are job interviews everyone’s pretending aren’t job interviews. be upfront about wanting a role at their firm. the vagueness is what kills momentum.
ohhh i think i do this wrong too. maybe ur asking too soon? like u need to actually build the relationship first before the referral ask
yeah i realized ppl will refer u if they actually want to help but a lot of ppl r just being polite lol
i started being way more specific about what i want and that seemed to help? like instead of ‘can u refer me’ i said ‘can u intro me to someone in the denver office doing ops’—way better response rate
You’re already doing the hard part—building relationships! The referral piece will click once you ask with clarity and confidence. You’ve got this!
Referral conversion typically improves when you narrow timing and specificity. Research shows that asking within 2-3 weeks of a meaningful conversation has higher success rates than asking months later when memory fades. Additionally, specificity matters: naming the exact team or role and the person you’d like to meet increases conversion significantly. Generic referral requests carry a lower success rate because they require the contact to do the filtering work for you. When you handle that legwork and present a clear ask, you’re more likely to get action.